A Through Z With Dragon Fable
by Ashes From Ashes
Summary: A series of drabbles, mostly humor and parody, going through the alphabet and back again, and then going through it again for good measure. Rated T for safe-T.
1. A is For Artix

More skeletons! This was turning out to be _such_ a good day! He'd killed seventeen undead already and he'd only just gotten up! Slash! Slash! Clang! Slash! More bones littered the ground. Artix was barely even breathing hard. Slash, whoosh, clang, slash! More bones clattered to the ground at his feet. This was incredible! Almost thirty undead in fewer than two minutes! But where were they coming from? Artix looked around and saw a flash of blue. Wait, that color… Investigating the unusual light blue color, he quickly found its fluffy, sneering source. "Zorbak," he yelled, "You ebil little moglin!"


	2. B is For Blue

No one knew exactly _what_ Cysero had made, but it was horrible. It had odd tentacles sticking out at even odder angles and it was So Blue. No one dared approach it, aside from its mad creator, who insisted on poking it. It made Serenity nervous. It scared Ash. Aria looked fearful. Reens refused to go near it. Alina hung back as well. Even the guardians were wary of it. Finally, Lim spoke up. "Cysero, exactly _what_ did you make?"

"I don't know! But I'm willing to think about it. What do you think, Lieutenant Lim of the Science Brigade?" Cysero said in his ever-cheerful way.

"If you don't know, I don't think anyone does." Lim admitted, a little fearfully. He eyed the blue monstrosity with caution, seeing that it had just swallowed Cysero whole.

"Someone get Warlic!" Aria cried as a tentacle reached for her.


	3. C is For Cysero

When the Blue Monster was finally defeated, the citizens of Falconreach (that is, the ones who hadn't been eaten by the gelatinous monster) began digging their neighbors out of the sticky, translucent, gel-like monster. "I've got Aria!" Ash announced, pulling the redheaded pet trainer from the goo.

Lim helped Reens and Alina dig Serenity out of the blue monster's corpse. "Where's Twilly?" Serenity asked, alarmed. "I saw him get swallowed just before I was!"

"There he is!" Aria pointed to a purplish spot in the monster goo. Retrieving Twilly from his gooey demise, they realized that the only one who had not been rescued was the cause of the whole problem. "Where's Cysero?"

They looked around to see Warlic pulling Cysero out of his own creation. "I swear you'll be the death of us all one day."


	4. D is For Doom Weapons

Ash was walking through Falconreach, humming softly. Today was bright and sunny. Nothing could go wrong. Passing by Twilly, he gave him a brief nod and wave. He waved as he passed Aria leaving serenity's Inn. She stuck her tongue out at him as he passed. Exiting city limits, he saw a path he'd never noticed before. Walking down it curiously, he came upon a dark-cloaked stranger, whose face he couldn't see. The heavy, tattered cloak concealed the entire figure and still managed to flap ominously in the nonexistent breeze. The stranger appeared to be glowering at one of the red flowers that occasionally sprouted up along the city's walls.

"Hey, you wanna buy a Doom Weapon… Oh. It's you."


	5. E is For Enemies

**((A/n: Okay, so this one is a little more serious. It's kind of sad, in fact. I couldn't find anything for E, so I just decided E is For Enemies, and what better enemies than the pirates and ninjas?))**

The pirates and ninjas had been fighting so long no one had any idea how to stop. Neither would give up their claim to the wind orb, and neither would stop fighting until they had the wind orb. Countless heroes had tried to quell the animosity between the two, but not one had succeeded. No one even tried to anymore. And no one could count the number of brave souls that had come from both sides to attempt to wrest the wind orb from the ruins of Kordana. No one even tried. It was just accepted now: the pirates and ninjas would never stop fighting.


	6. F is For Fighting

**((A/N: Reviews are life. Please donate a review today!))**

Twilly had been unsure about accompanying Artix and Ash into Doomwood. When they had encountered their first zombie of the trip, he had been nervous. Now, though? Now he was just terrified. He was practically shaking in his fur. Another moglin, an angry blue one, loomed up in front of him. "Z- Zorbak! Please don't hurt Twilly!" The little red moglin pleaded.

"Meh, I have nothing better to do. Might as well." The sneering, blue moglin supposed. The little red moglin quivered in fear. Twilly was absolutely terrified.

The red moglin flailed blindly with his little wooden staff, catching Zorbak on the nose.

"Ow!" Zorbak cried out, clutching his nose. When he pulled a furry paw away, it was smeared with blood. Angering, Zorbak whacked Twilly over the head with his own staff. This caused a lengthy volley of back-and-forth head smacking before both moglins fell to the ground, clutching their heads with teary eyes.

"Let's not do that again…" Twilly whimpered, clutching his head. Meanwhile, Ash and Artix were laughing like idiots.


	7. G is For Galanoth

G is For Galanoth

Galanoth paced the ice planes uneasily. Something was wrong, he could feel it. But what? The ice dragons had been quiet as of late. None of the other species who shared Dragesvard's frozen home had been active lately. But something bothered Galanoth, something he couldn't put his finger on. He felt as if someone or something was watching him. He heard a rustle behind him. He sped up his pace, wishing he could take shelter in the inn back in Dragesvard. He heard the rustle again, and looked around for its source. He frowned when he found nothing. His gaze wandered to the sky. Dark clouds gathered overhead. A storm was brewing. Hurrying his steps, he had almost reached the city limits when it struck. The wind blew, hard, almost knocking Galanoth off his feet. It was even more bitterly cold than it usually was in these planes. Hurrying towards the city only twenty yards away, his helmet was suddenly struck in the back by a wad of snow. He whirled around and came face to face with… A group of three little baby dragons kicking snow at each other. He smiled. It was cute. Too bad those little baby dragons might someday threaten his town. Well, he could wait until then.


	8. H is for Hero

Rumor had it a new, bold hero had come to Lore. They had saved the Lady Celestia more than once. They had battled and defeated a hydra on their way to Falconreach. The rumored hero had stopped Drakath from taking the Black Dragon Box. Everyone either wanted to meet this hero or wanted to kill them. ("Ah! Why me?") No one knew for sure just what the hero looked like, but they knew they were brave and strong. The Pactagonal Knights could attest to that. Word of this hero's strength had reached as far as the Sandsea. From Dragesvard to Amityvale and the Aries Battlespire to Osprey Cove, every town was buzzing with talk of this new hero. What did they look like? Which towns would they save? Would they help the resistance in the Sandsea? Would they help save Amityvale from being swarmed by the undead? Would they help defend Dragesvard from ice dragons? Everyone wanted the help of this new, brave hero. But who would the hero help first? "Ah! I don't know where to start!" 


	9. I is For Inn

**I is for Inn**

It had happened again! The pirate monkeys had broken into the ninjas' inn _again_. It seemed no lock could keep them out, and they were determined to wreck his inn. And the poor innkeeper had only just cleaned up from the last time they'd broken in. Pi Mae sighed and picked up his broom.

He began the task of sweeping of the broken bits of wood and shattered remains of dishes. Sometimes his brother's pranks got on his nerves just a little too much. He resigned himself to imagining ways to get back at Mae Pi as he cleaned up the destruction and wiped away the rude messages the monkeys had painted on the walls.

"You just wait, Mae Pi, I'll get you back for this." His promised himself.

And so the cycle continued.


	10. J is For Joking

**J is for Joking**

"Artix, you've got to come quick!" Ash yelled, running towards the confused paladin. "Falconreach is being invaded by undead!"

"Wait, _what_?" Artix gasped, almost dropping his axe in surprise. "Falconreach is being _invaded?_ Not again_!_" Artix liked fighting the undead, he really did, but sometimes the task seemed more than a little daunting. Hurrying to catch up with the young Archknight, he toyed with the fanciful idea of becoming a weapons outfitter instead of a paladin.

"You're right." Ash said, grinning a little. "I'm only joking.

If looks could kill, the glare Artix was subjecting Ash to would have liquefied the puny Archknight.


	11. K is For Kordana

**K is for Kordana**

Drakath whimpered fearfully as he narrowly missed being skewered by a falling pipe. This was definitely not the safest occupation in the world. "Oh, crap…" He sniveled as three security droned advanced on him. He slashed at them with his sword, but it seemed to have little to no effect on them. One thing was for sure: Sepulcher didn't pay any mind to the former bandit's welfare when sending him out on his missions. The ruins of Kordana weren't friendly in the slightest, but he_ had_ to get the wind orb for Sepulcher. Maybe it was the fastest path to becoming king, but it sure wasn't the most pleasant. "Ah! Mommy, help me!" He yelped as a drone's attack narrowly missed decapitating him. Sometimes Drakath wished he had stayed with the bandits.

**((A/N: Anyone else think Drakath is unceasingly whiny? I know that every time I encounter him on a quest I want to punch his lights out, but maybe that's just me.))**


	12. L is For Lim

**L is for Lim**

Some days Cysero really exasperated Lim. Not only did he interrupt Lim's experiments, but is own experiments often went wildly out of control and rampaged around Falconreach, leaving destruction in their wakes, for a while before the green mage's very annoyed roommate put an end to them.

"_What is wrong with you?" _The red haired weapon smith lamented as another of Cysero's crazy experiments smashed half his shop.

"Oh, now that's tricky. Where do I begin?" At this, the goggle-wearing weapon smith burst into very frustrated tears.


	13. M is For Moglins

**M is for Moglin**

It was a universally accepted fact that moglins were cute and huggable. Twilly certainly seemed content to be squealed over and hugged. Twig seemed to love it. But Zorbak seemed dissatisfied with the 'cutesy little moglin' image he was subjected to being labeled with. It became his goal in life to be as un-cute and un-cuddly as possible. That's why he became a necromancer. Necromancers certainly weren't cute or cuddly.

But sometimes, a nice hug at the end of a hard day was acceptable. No, sometimes being cute and cuddly had its advantages, Zorbak thought. "It's so cute!" A sharp squeal announced. Okay, he amended, maybe not.

**((A/N: am I the only one who thinks Zorbak is adorable? Review to make your opinion known!))**


	14. N is For Necrotic Blade of Doom

**N is for Necrotic Blade of Doom**

Sometimes, the power of the Necrotic Blade was not worth its price. That price was, of course, being possessed by a weapon. Sepulcher frowned as the blade made another meaningless and completely annoying comment. He had long since stopped listening to its babbling. "ARE YOU LITENING? I SAID WE SHOULD USE THAT HERO'S DOOM WEAPON AGAINST THEM!"

"Yes, I heard you the first thousand times you suggested that." He sighed, frowning again. He often frowned.

"I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA!" The blade seemed to enjoy yelling in his ear. It was quite painful.

"And I think it would be a good idea for you to shut up, but we can't all get what we want." He reveled in the shocked silence that ensued after his comment.

"WELL AREN'T YOU A CHEERY BALL OF SUNSHINE TODAY?" The Blade yelled.

Sepulcher felt the sudden urge to slam his head against the wall until he lost consciousness. That, he thought, might get him a few moments of peace and quiet.


	15. O is For Olive

**O is for Olive**

"No!" The weapon smith yelled. "I will _not_ take part in your experiment! Your last one destroyed half the town!"

"Aw, cheer up Lieutenant Lim of the Physics Platoon! It can't possibly be as bad as last time!" The overexcited green mage grinned as he threw random items into a cauldron.

A dirty sock, a banana, a hammer, a bag of potato chips, a pencil, a peanut, a pomegranate, a healing potion, and a pair of scissors all went into the frothing green liquid. Lim winced. He really should leave now, before things got out of hand.

Suddenly, an explosion occurred. Lim had to cover his eyes to keep from being blinded. When he opened them, he was amazed at what he saw.

An olive: a regular, normal, non-lethal olive. "What a freaking weird way to get an olive!" Cysero announced, picking the olive off the scorched ground and popping it in his mouth. "Mmm! Tastes like chickencow!"

Suddenly, Cysero grew about fifty feet. _So much for normal_, Lim lamented.


	16. P is for Pyromancer

**P is for Pyromancer**

Warlic was more than a little jumpy whenever he was around fires. Ever since Xan had started trying to kill him, Warlic had started expecting every torch he passed to try to light him on fire. Of course, when Cysero is your roommate, going up in a fiery ball of agonizing death is always a possibility. Warlic couldn't count the number of times when Cysero's antics had almost resulted in both their deaths.

Sighing, he opened his bedroom door to find the one person he least wanted to see- the pyromancer himself. Xan cackled maniacally as he threw a fireball that set Warlic's robe on fire. "Oh! I missed! I meant to burn your face off!"


	17. Q is for Questions

**Q is for Questions**

Warlic had a lot of questions when it came to the subject of his roommate. For instance, why did he have to enchant his dirty laundry to try to trip Warlic down the stairs? Why did he have to create monsters that tried to destroy Falconreach every week? Why did he leave his things all over the tower, even on Warlic's side? And did he really _have_ to be so cheerful first thing in the morning? Of course, Cysero was always cheerful, aside from when he confused himself into silence.

Warlic opened his bedroom door and was immediately assaulted by a sock. "_Cysero_," He screamed, "this is the _last straw!_"

"Ooh, I bet that hurts!" Cysero commented positively.

Warlic was infuriated beyond words. Of course, he was also silent due to the fact that the sock was trying to strangle him.


	18. R is For Rhubarb

**R is For Rhubarb**

Things hadn't quite been the same in Osprey Cove since Rhubarb had taken over the _Red Betty_. First of all, now that Captain Blackberry was no more, pirates seemed more carefree. No longer were the crew of the _Red Betty_ haggard and forlorn and overworked, but now they could be heard singing pirate songs as they went about the ship doing tasks. Rhubarb appreciated the change. He was a stern captain, but he wasn't the same kind of cruel and heartless sort of captain Blackberry had been. He treated his pirates well, even if he was a little strict. But things on the _Red Betty_ were good and peaceful now, and that was the way things would stay.

At least, until one particular recruit was caught humming a Shadow of the Wind Village song. After that, the deck was strangely silent for a good long while before one crew member shouted "Get him!"


	19. S is for Sepulcher

**S is for Sepulcher**

"S- Sire! That- the hero- the hero- the hero…" Drakath's words were lost in a swamp of whimpers. Sepulcher sighed inwardly. Drakath often got on one's nerves.

"What is it _this_ time?" The Doomknight inquired exasperatedly. He was getting quite tired of Drakath's strange behavior regarding the bothersome hero. "Did the hero push you on the playground, Drakath? Did you fall and scrape your knee and come crying for a band-aid?" He knew his comments were cruel and sarcastic, but he just didn't care anymore. He just wished Drakath would grow a spine already.

Sepulcher needed a new minion. He really did.


	20. T is For Twilly

**T is for Twilly**

The citizens of Falconreach loved Twilly the moglin. He was small, red and fluffy, and adorably round and harmless. The people of Amityvale were almost jealous. _They_ had a resident moglin, sure, but he was nasty and vicious and blue and sneered all the time. Zorbak also scared children, raised the dead, and kicked puppies. Twilly, however, did none of these things. If anything, puppies kicked _him_. Zorbak was mean and hate-filled, while Twilly was kind and liked to give hugs. Everyone agreed that Twilly was far more preferable than Zorbak. "Don't be sad, Zorbak, Twilly still loves you!" The red moglin smiled, hugging the blue moglin.

_Whack! _Zorbak hit Twilly over the head. "I don't need your hugs!" He declared, and stormed away to go raise an undead army.


	21. U is For UltraVultragon

**U is for Ultra-Vultragon**

The hero flipped through their quest log aimlessly, not looking for anything in particular. They smiled fondly when they came to the chapter on finding their dragon egg. Reading through and marveling at how far they'd come since then, the hero of Falconreach found the section on the ultra-Vultragon. How they had hated that bird, swooping in and stealing the dragon egg at the very last second. If only the hero hadn't waited quite so long to retrieve it from the nest. It had been a hateful bird, anyhow, but the theft of the dragon egg had rubbed the hero the wrong way. Briefly, the hero wondered what had happened to the ultra-Vultragon.

Stepping outside into the sunlight, the hero was immediately snatched up by giant talons. _Well, I think that answers that question._


	22. V is For Vayle

**V is for Vayle**

Keeping good on her promise to the hero, Vayle had started up a new Necro U that taught young necromancers how to raise the dead with respect. Unfortunately, her student weren't listening and they weren't very respectful. Right now they were playing volleyball with a skull.

"Stop that! As necromancers, it is our obligation to treat the undead we summon with respect! _That_ is _not_ respectful!" Vayle reprimanded the young necromancers.

"Since _when_ are necromancers supposed to _respect_ the dead? We summon them to do our bidding, not whatever _you_ think they're for!" One brazen young man said audaciously.

"No! That's what necromancers _used _to do! In this school, we will summon the dead only for knowledge! We will _learn_ from them! You can do as you wish after you leave this school, but while you are here you will treat the undead with dignity!" Vayle said hotly.

Her students were stunned into silence. Maybe she could do this after all.


	23. W is For Wyvern

**W is for Wyvern**

Galanoth didn't like wyverns any more than he liked dragons. They were too much alike, in his opinion, dragons and wyverns. It also didn't help that Demento had almost been carried away by a wyvern when the two were young.

But sometimes your opinions on things can change. Especially when you've just been dropped off a cliff by a dragon and been saved by a wyvern.

No, maybe they weren't so similar after all. "I think I'll call you Snuggles." Galanoth decided as the wyvern set him down on top of the glacier again. The wyvern gave him a look that plainly said 'don't push your luck.'


	24. X is for Xan

**X is for Xan**

After years and years of fruitlessly trying to hunt down and kill Warlic, Xan finally had the blue mage cornered and on his own. Which, considering that almost every one of Xan's plans to smite Warlic had failed miserably, was really impressive and unexpected.

"Warlic, how nice it is to see you again. It's too bad I'm going to kill you." The pyromancer cackled evilly.

"Really, Xan, have you thought about the possible consequences of your actions?" Cysero asked, popping out of nowhere. "I mean, without Warlic, the whole universe might implode. Or explode. I like exploding things, but it wouldn't be good if the world exploded. That would be bad- awesome, but bad."

"How did _you_ get here?" The confused and homicidal pyromancer demanded.

"How does anyone get anywhere?" The green mage shrugged.

"That's not an answer!" The flaming-headed villain shouted.

"Oh, look, Warlic got away." Cysero observed. True enough, Warlic had slipped away while Cysero and Xan had been conversing.


	25. Y is For Yarn

**Y is for Yarn.**

Sepulcher found himself following a trail of loose yarn and fuzzy knitted Frostval sweaters. This was, by far, the strangest occurrence as of yet. Yesterday it had been fluffy blue bunnies hopping all over the place, but now there were knitted sweaters popping up all over the place.

After having decided to follow the trail wherever it may lead, Sepulcher was beginning to think he was wasting his time. The trail had, so far, led him all around the fortress five times. Now, he was close to the end of the trail, he could feel it.

The trail led inside a room. The door was closed. Curiosity flaring up again, Sepulcher open the door and found…

Drakath. Sitting in the middle of the room in his pajamas, Drakath was knitting Frostval sweaters and little crocheted bandits.

The crocheted bandit dolls had _little Santa hats._

Drakath looked up to see the Doom Knight. His happy expression quickly turning to one of horror, he tried to explain the knitting project to no avail. "I- you- I- it's not what you think!"

Sepulcher burst into a fit of laughter.


	26. Z is for Zero Left To Go

**Z is for Zero left to go**

After the knitting incident, Sepulcher just didn't look at Drakath the same way. For one thing, he had begun making knitting puns. Now, Sepulcher didn't normally make puns, so this was odd. And they were really bad puns, too.

"It was just a hobby, it's not funny!" Drakath protested over the Doomknight and his Necrotic Blade's fits of laughter.

"Oh, you're right- _knits_ not funny!" Sepulcher laughed again. This was very uncharacteristic.

"You'll regret this one day- I promise!" Drakath cried, running off to go plot his revenge.

Oh, yes, he would have it. He would have his revenge.

There ya go, kiddies- there's the REAL reason Drakath betrayed Sepulcher.

And now there are Zero chapters left to go. Now, who wants me to go through the entire alphabet again BACKWARDS with ALL NEW chapters?


	27. Z is for Zorbak

**((A/N: YESH! The backwards-ing shall commence!))  
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**Z is for Zorbak**

One day, Zorbak found a shiny pebble. He picked it up, thinking about throwing it at the back f Artix's head. A wicked little smile formed on his usually-sneering face.

"Put that rock down before you hurt yourself." The paladin said, walking by with barely a glance. "OW!" He yelled as said rock smashed into the back of his skull. "What on Lore was that for?"

"That's for ruining all my plans, you dimwit!" Zorbak sneered.

"No, I'm pretty sure you ruin your own plans, Zorbak." Artix replied, somewhat angrily, rubbing the back of his head.

"No! My plans are perfect! You and that- that _hero_ always burst in and _ruin them!"_ The ebil moglin shouted back.

"Whatever you say, Zorbak. I have _real_ threats to Amityvale's welfare to attend to." The paladin said dismissively, walking off.

Once Zorbak was out of earshot, Artix stopped and rubbed the back of his head again. "Ow. For a moglin, he throws really hard."


	28. Y is for You're Doing WHAT?

**Y is For "You're doing WHAT?"**

"Zorbak! I know it was you!" Artix yelled. The blue moglin shrugged.

"I don't know what you're referring to." The moglin responded.

"Don't lie to me, Zorbak, I'm not stupid-" Artix began, but was interrupted suddenly by the moglin he was yelling at.

"Really? You could've fooled me." His snorted derisively. "I don't know what you're talking about, paladin, and even if I did I wouldn't tell you."

"I figured as much. So if you're not the one raising the dead, who is?" Artix wondered aloud.

"I don't know; I've been busy selling illegal drugs to children." Zorbak said before walking away on little stubby moglin legs.

"Ah, well. That's one less possibility I have to worry abou- wait, did he say he was selling drugs to children?" Artix's eyes bulged in sudden realization.


	29. X is for Xan x2

**X is for "Xan is Emo?"**

"Hey, Warlic- Xan's gone emo. I thought you should know." Cysero said to Warlic as the blue-robed mage walked into the kitchen that morning.

"Cysero, what do you mean, Xan's gone emo? How is Xan emo?" Warlic asked the silent green mage, who was smiling and nodding as he sipped his coffee and ate his mayonnaise cubes.

"He's started using a lot of hairspray, and I think he's crying in a corner over there." Cysero pointed to where Xan was sitting in a corner, talking to himself.

"Wait- has he been here this whole time?" Warlic, very confused, asked his absentminded roommate. He was very concerned with this, because Xan had the nasty little habit of having tried to kill Warlic several times a week for the last few years- so what was he doing in the blue mage's kitchen at six in the morning?

"Oh- you mean him? Yeah, he's been there a while." Cysero remarked casually, not at all worried that the man- or whatever Xan was (Was he even human? Warlic wasn't sure anymore) - in the corner would try to kill the blue mage yet again, despite countless failures to do so in the past. The word 'countless' being because there had been very many failures, not because Warlic couldn't count very high.

"Why on Lore didn't you tell me he was here so I could leave?" Warlic berated his thickheaded roommate. He felt as if he spent his entire like yelling at Cysero. "You know he wants to kill me, right?"

"Yeah- that's why I invited hm over for tea!"


	30. W is for Weirdness

**W is for Weirdness**

One day, Nythera woke up in Xan's body. Needless to say, this was unusual. "Oh, this is just great!" She grumbled, standing up and preparing to go find a solution to her problem. Looking down at the floor for a second, she screamed. Apparently, Xan didn't wear pants to bed.

"Okay- my first step is to find out where he keeps his pants." Nythera groaned miserably.

After a lengthy search for pants and a hasty dressing, Nythera was prepared to go out into the world and find her body, wherever it may be- because if she was in Xan's body, who knew whose body Xan was in?

Journeying back to Warlic's tent, she found a crowd of people gathered around outside. Warlic was looking uncharacteristically dreamy, and Cysero looked strangely serious.

"Alright, now, who are you?" He asked Robina, who was standing in front of him and rubbing the back of her head in a manner reminiscent of Ash.

"I'm Ash, sir. I, um, I deliver mail." Robina mumbled.

"I see." Cysero replied. "Hm, alright, where is Ash's body and where is Robina?"

The person in Ash's body raised their hand.

"And who are you?" Cysero asked. Nythera realized it was Warlic in Cysero's body. Cysero was never this serious. Seeing Nythera, he screamed like a little girl- because she was still in Xan's body, of course. And we all know about Xan and Warlic.

"Oh, that's not Xan- that's Nythera." Warlic said unusually cheerfully. Or, rather, Cysero in Warlic's body was being cheerful as usual. "I can tell by the way she's glaring at you. That's Nythera."

"I don't understand how you know, but I'll trust you this time." Warlic-in-Cysero's-body said, sighing in… relief? Nythera wasn't sure.

"Um, I'm Captain Rolith." The knight captain in the archknight's body interrupted awkwardly.

"Alright, go stand over there." Warlic pointed to the group of people who had already been identified.

Zhoom in Captain Rhubarb's body, and Captain Rhubarb in Zhoom's body, approached Warlic with a thrashing Artix.

"Who is he?" Warlic questioned them.

"Um, we're not sure, actually. It could your mom, for all we know." Zhoom-in-Rhubarb's-body said. Warlic glared at him. "Sorry." Zhoom apologized.

"Yarr, it could be anybody. Y'll have ta ask 'im." Captain Rhubarb advised.

"Alright, then," Warlic concluded. "We'll ask him. So, who are you?"

"I'm… um, I'm Sepulcher… Please don't vaporize me with a flick of your wrist." The Doomknight in the Paladin's body mumbled awkwardly.

"AW-KWARD!" Cysero sang out, still smiling. Everyone stared at him. "What?"


	31. V is For Vengeance

V is for Vengeance

Long ago, on Osprey Cove, the pirates and ninjas actually got along, and all was peaceful. Little ninja children played happily with little pirate children, ninja monkeys didn't fight with pirate monkeys, and it was a genuinely nice place to be.

Then disaster struck. A ninja tripped over a pirate's rake and the pirate laughed. "You put that rake there on purpose! You were trying to trip me! By doing this, you insult my honor!" The ninja angrily accused.

"Can't say I didn't." The pirate shrugged. The ninja then swore vengeance on him.

"Before sundown, my kin and I will have vengeance upon you and yours!" The ninja threatened. The pirate didn't take heed, just walked away.

"Aye, whatever." They pirate waved the ninja off lazily.

The next morning, that pirate woke up dead. "Aw, man! I'm dead!"

"That was how it really started?" Thyton asked, somewhat disgusted. "A rake?"


	32. U is for Ugly

**U is for Ugly.**

So horrendously ugly, so unbelievably hideous... And no one had the heart to tell Ash so. He kept wondering why everyone flinched when they saw him and walked away quickly. "Is there something wrong with me?" He asked himself, sitting under a tree, trying not to cry after a group of small children had started crying when he'd passed by. Everyone had been avoiding him lately, and he was feeling really unwanted. Even people he didn't know were avoiding him. It hurt, being so alone.

"Well, Ash, we really didn't want to tell you, but your sweater is kind of ugly. And it smells really bad, too." The hero admitted, doing their usual routine of popping out of seemingly nowhere.

"Really? It's just my sweater?" He asked. He had been so sure no one liked him anymore, and it was only his sweater all along!

"Yeah, um, you may wanna wash that thing now. Please, the smell is killing me." The hero stood up suddenly, ran a few paces, staggered, and vomited.

"Is it really that bad?" Ash wondered aloud. He pinched a handful of sweater and sniffed. "Oh, god, it really is!"

He quickly ran off to go wash his sweater. After some time, it was clean again. "Holy crap, this thing is _white?__"_


	33. T is for Terrible

T is for Terrible

There was a terrible new force sweeping Lore. Hushed whispers and half-imagined rumors were passes from mouth to ear in taverns and sleepy inns all across the country. In Amityvale, Thursday heard it from Lugosi. In Doomwood, Frydae XIII heard it from Safiria, who just told him about it to get him to shut up. In Moonridge, the knights whispered to each other tales of the horror. Towns all across the land boiled with tales of this strange and terrifying force.

"I'll get rid of it. You bet on it." A young Guardian who hailed from Falconreach boasted. His elders shook their heads.

The young man left to go on his quest anyway. A month passed, and he did not return. The older Guardians set out looking for him.

They found him, all right.

He was sitting in a cave, petting pink bunnies. "Oh, hi guys. You know that terrifying thing we all heard about? It was these guys. Aren't they cute?" He said when they saw him.


	34. S is for Squeaky

**S is For Squeaky**

They squeaked. They _squeaked._ Like a dog toy. The undead had begun squeaking. There was nothing worse, in Sepulcher's opinion. It was humiliating. The paladins were _laughing_ at him. No one was afraid of undead that squeaked! Maybe he really should pay those necromancers a bit more... Maybe then they'd stop playing pranks on him if he did.

And then the next day he looked in a mirror and screamed. His armor had been turned pink. It was definitely time for a pay raise for the necromancers...

**((A/N: Hey, guess what! It's my birthday today! Be nice a leave me a review, please!))**


	35. R is for Riadne

**R is for Riadne**

Tomix had a terrible crush of the aracnomancer Riadne. He also had no idea about how to tell her. So mostly he just struggled to keep his brain from turning to mush whenever he talked to her. He tried to tell her, he really did, but every time he tried... Things just went badly.

The first time, he walked right into a wall. The second time, a pole broke off a nearby building and hit him in the face. The third time, his pants spontaneously fell down. The fourth time, he tripped over his own shoelaces and wound up face-first in the dirt. The fifth time... H didn't even want to think about _that._ It was just too embarrassing. And the worst part was she had _laughed. Laughed, _while he sat on the ground covered in god-knows-what and wishing he were invisible.

When he confided in his hero friend about this, the hero burst out laughing. "Man, I think she knows." They told him when they had stopped laughing.

Riadne stepped out of the shadows. "It was kind of obvious," she conceded, "but it was so funny to watch you mess up like that... And that last time... Actually, I kind of felt bad for you."

**((A/N: Okay, I wanted to do something cute for once. I know, Shy!Tomix isn't exactly cannon or whatever, but you could practically SMELL the 'I like you but I'm not saying anything' vibes coming from Tomix about Riadne in the game.))**


	36. Q is for Quarter

**Q is for Quarter**

One sunny day in the world of Lore, Tomix was chasing after the corrupted elemental spirit Lust with a butterfly net when the spirit suddenly found a pie. "Ooh, pie!" She exclaimed, stopping to pick up the pie.

Tomix stopped in his tracks when he saw this. He looked at the pie and he had never wanted anything else so badly in his life. He raced forwards. "Give me that pie!"

"No!" Lust cried, clutching the pie.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- let's all hold up a second. We can share the pie!" The hero declared, extracting the pie from the fray and cutting it into quarters. "Now everyone can have a piece!"

"No!" Tomix and Lust cried at once. "I want the pie to myself!"

The hero sighed. "I have a feeling envy's got something to do with this."


	37. P is for Pasta

**P is for Pasta**

On a harmless, sunny Tuesday morning, Lim was conducting an experiment about whether or not a bird carrying an apple tied to its foot would be able to fly as fast as a bird without an apple tied to its foot. "First I need to calculate the airspeed velocity of an unladen-"

"Hey, it's Professor Lim of the Physics Platoon! Hi, Lim!" Cysero cheered, walking past, pulling a noodle elemental on a leash. "Did you know I discovered a new element? Pasta!"

"What?" Lim asked incredulously, staring open-mouthed. "Pasta? How is pasta an element?"

"Because I just made it an element!" Cysero cheered cheerfully.

"You can't _make_ an element!"

"Well, I guess it must have been already an element and I just discovered it. Oh well! I still discovered a new element!" Cysero grinned enthusiastically. Lim grimaced, think what all pandemonium the mad magical weaponsmith could do with a brand-new element to play with.

"Bye, Lim!" The mage called out as he ran off with his noodle elemental.

"Why do I even bother anymore?" Lim lamented.


	38. O is for Omnivore

**O is for Omnivore**

'Did you know that pigs eat anything, Valencia?" The hero asked. Valencia shook her head.

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, it is kind of weird. I mean, you'd think they'd be herbivores, but instead they're omnivores. I guess it just broadens the menu." The hero mused at this difficult subject. Valencia nodded. she had leadrned long ago not to question the hero while they weere in a mood like this. She found it best to just let the hero go on until they ran out of steam, and to give them as few prompts to continue as possible.

"You're right. and with the saying 'you are what you eat' I guess bacon is just about everything." Valencia agreed, then laughed. The hero joined in and they both laughed until their sides hurt.

"Wait, is bacon everything, or is everything bacon?" The hero proposed the greatest philosophical question ever to be uttered. This sent the two back into a fit of side-splitting giggles.

**((A/N: OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-))**


	39. N is for Noxus

N is for Noxus

On a warm, sunless day- er, night- in Doomwood, Artix was on the prowl, hunting for undead to slay. Things had been eerily quiet the past week or so, and it was beginning to unnerve the paladin. "Where are all the monsters? Where are the undead? Why has nothing attacked me yet?" Artix pondered as he stalked the forest of eternal night.

Artix looked around suspiciously. He couldn't have killed _every_ monster in Doomwood already, it just wasn't possible! Artix mulled over this disturbing change as he stepped out onto the edge of a dirt road he hadn't seen before. He hadn't even known it was there.

And walking- or rather, floating- down the road was none other than Noxus himself! "Noxus," Artix yelled, "I know what you're plotting, give up before this turns ugly!"

Noxus looked at him like the paladin had gone crazy. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not plotting anything," the necromancer shook his head. "I'm taking the week off work."

"Oh." Artix said, now feeling very awkward. "So, you're not going to try to kill me?" He guessed; his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"No," Noxus retorted in a scandalized tone, "I have far better things to do."

"Oh. Okay. See you next week." Artix said; trying to hide how freaked out he was. Noxus floated away- why _did_ he float, anyway? And Artix's face contorted in utter confusion. "What _was_ that?"


	40. M is for Misery

M is for Misery

All of Lore was miserable. A horrible psychological virus had been spread throughout the land. Everyone who caught the disease became instantly miserable, trying desperately to escape it, only to find that the more they tried to forget it, the more they thought of it and the more it controlled them.

Artix sat huddled by the entrance of the Necropolis, shivering violently, crying softly in absolute misery. Inside the Necropolis, the necromancers all hid away, attempting to hide their suffering from each other for fear of being called names and being laughed at. The dean of Necro U, Noxus himself, sat underneath his desk sobbing quietly, a look of horror on his face.

In the Sandsea, Zhoom lay curled up under a scraggly desert tree, weeping his misery onto the dry sand.

In his far away fortress, Sepulchure cowered under his bed. Somewhere else, Drakath was sobbing like a little girl.

In Falconreach, Twilly just sat on his stump and cried his tiny moglin heart out. Warlic sniffled and dabbed at his eyes with a tissue. Cysero frowned, as green tears skipped down his cheeks. His pasta elemental curled up y his feet and howled softly, mournfully.

In a place, no one knows exactly where, Xan cried tiny tears of fire.

I Oaklore Keep, the Pactagonal knights sat around the place, slumped in utter lamentation. Captain Rolith and his togs sat by the catapult, staring transfixed at the groundin complete hopelessness. A lonely tear fell from one eye forlornly.

Aria and her pets back in Falconreach cried, Ash sobbed and clutched his mail bag. Robina in Surewould Forest collapsed against a tree and just broke down sobbing.

The pirates and ninjas alike wailed in lament.

Everyone was miserable.

Except for the hero.

"Aw, man, I lost the Game again!" Everyone within hearing distance groaned. Not _again!_

Also, if you read this chapter, you just lost The Game.


	41. L is for Laughter

L is for Laughter

Artix and his young companion, a paladin in training, stalked through Doomwood to find their quarry- a necromancer who had been evading them for months, raising an undead army to conquer all of Lore. They had him cornered, finally, in an abandoned chapel.

Artix pushed the decaying wooden doors open, and watery, squishy-sounding organ music blasted out. Inside there was a wedding ceremony taking place, much to the paladins' surprise. At the altar stood the necromancer they had been chasing, and a zombie. Another necromancer read the ceremony. "You may kiss the bride!"

Artix thought he might be sick as he watched the necromancer kiss the zombie. Sometimes he really had to wonder about these guys. Who would _ever_ want to marry a zombie? Artix and his student walked away feeling queasy. Maybe they would come for the guy some other time.

Back at the chapel, the necromancers were all laughing. "I told you they'd fall for it!" The paladins' quarry howled with laughter. "Oh, the look on their faces!"

"I can't believe that worked!" Another necromancer laughed. "They actually left! I guess spending that 10, 000 gold on a meat organ actually panned out!"

The zombie looked confused and slightly reproachful. "Areeeeeeeew?"


	42. K is For Kittens

K is for Kittens

One fine day in Lore, Falconreach was overrun by fuzzy, frolicking kittens. The heartless little beasts were running around everywhere, tripping people and chasing strings and purring constantly.

The background hum of kittens purring got to be so much that the citizens of Falconreach were starting to go more than a little crazy. Serenity had been so overwhelmed by the constant cuteness that she had been reduced to a drooling lump. Rolith had attempted to help by rounding up the adorable little abominations, but had promptly been smothered by the tiny monsters.

The hero attempted to charge in to save everyone, but was instantly overpowered and cuddled to death.

This was it- Lore was conquered. The hero had fallen. All hope was lost. But then, in the middle of all the wreckage, one lone white cat stood up and meowed- and all of them left.


End file.
